Public Service Announcement
Mar. 28th, 2003 10:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
drcuriosityIf anyone (especially a cute girl) asks you what you think of me, please don't let the first adjective that falls from your mouth be "nice". Even if it's true, it's the kiss of death - second only to "safe" in its sheer unearthly ability to dissuade someone who might otherwise be somewhat interested in you.
Sorry for the angst, but this has happened a few times recently when I've been trying to get out and meet new people, and it's somewhat frustrating. [shrug] There's probably plenty of other reasons I've been single for a couple of years now, though. My utterly suckful timing, for instance. Or possibly my self-involved boring oblivious geekiness. Hopefully some day I'll meet someone interesting who's both interested and in the right emotional/geographical place to be able to do something about it.
Watch me completely failing to hold my breath on that one.
Sorry for the angst, but this has happened a few times recently when I've been trying to get out and meet new people, and it's somewhat frustrating. [shrug] There's probably plenty of other reasons I've been single for a couple of years now, though. My utterly suckful timing, for instance. Or possibly my self-involved boring oblivious geekiness. Hopefully some day I'll meet someone interesting who's both interested and in the right emotional/geographical place to be able to do something about it.
Watch me completely failing to hold my breath on that one.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
Hey...
Date: 2003-03-28 02:55 am (UTC)Re: Hey...
Date: 2003-03-28 03:23 am (UTC)*ahem*
I'm just being needlessly bitter and jaded about the state of the world, and my lack of success with getting together with members of the opposite sex in particular. No doubt someone will come along shortly and suggest I try guys instead...
At the expense of being a horrible, rude bitch
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From::D
From:no subject
Date: 2003-03-28 03:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-03-28 03:47 am (UTC)From my point of view, if I ask what someone's like and the first response I get is that he is "nice" it just means that he's someone worth getting to know, and someone who isn't going to stab you in your sleep with a broken comb or some other random object. "Nice" is not off-putting, it's not very descriptive, it's just a beginning.. If people go on and on about how nice, stable, reliable and caring someone is though.. you start wondering 'how come such a great sounding guy is single', then follows 'I wonder what's wrong with him as he's still single' or 'I'm never going to have a chance with anyone like that.' Most likely the latter.
Am I making any sense?
no subject
Date: 2003-03-28 05:08 am (UTC)Bitter and jaded probably isn't any better, is it? :-) I think it's more of a first impression thing. I seem to get into the "friend zone" thing quickly enough as it is, without other people helping it along. All the same, I'm not about to start pretending to be someone I'm not in order to get chicks, or anything. I'd just rather my first impression was of being interesting, rather than dependable.
"Nice" is not off-putting, it's not very descriptive, it's just a beginning.. If people go on and on about how nice, stable, reliable and caring someone is though.. you start wondering 'how come such a great sounding guy is single', then follows 'I wonder what's wrong with him as he's still single' or 'I'm never going to have a chance with anyone like that.' Most likely the latter.
Perhaps it's something in the inflection of "nice" - it can be said in a positive way, or in a way that's less than positive in effect. Dwelling on that niceness can certain have the "I wonder what's wrong with him" effect, from past experience. I must say, though, I'll be somewhat exasperated if some interesting and lovely woman is selling herself short by thinking she's not worthy. I've got my flaws, just like everyone else - and I expect and accept that other people will have them, too. To quote
Yes; thank you for your insight.
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Date: 2003-03-28 06:14 am (UTC)Girls Are Mean.
I know, cruising for the flamage.
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Date: 2003-03-28 06:15 am (UTC)Re:
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From:Nice guy?
Date: 2003-03-28 06:26 am (UTC)I have always always called Simon a nice guy, yet I've always liked him.
It's just that it's used so often to soften the blow that it has lost it's meaning, needless to say Morbid. Some people still mean what it suggests..
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no subject
Date: 2003-03-28 08:05 am (UTC)That was seven years ago.
Damn that falling-in-love stuff! Damn it!
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Date: 2003-03-28 08:03 am (UTC)Oddly, even though that's what most girls romanticize about boys they don't know, when you make it explicit, they decide they're not interested. Hm.
No, I'm kidding, if someone asked me about you, I'd probably say "He's fun". But that's about the same as "nice" anymore.
Girls aren't always mean. Sometimes they just have a few crossed wires between what society tells them they should want, what they really want, and what they think they deserve.
No one can love harder than someone who's been through hell. The trouble is finding them when all the scars are on the inside.
*hugs*
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Date: 2003-03-28 10:38 am (UTC)"Morbid is a really cool guy. Although I warn you, he's an enigma-he is very mysterious and no girl has been able to crack the puzzle of his complexities for YEARS. He hides this behind a mystical facade of serenity. But yeah- very cool."
THAT oughta get an interesting response =D!! Girls LOVE cracking puzzles! (no offense to any girls out there- most my friends are girls and they'll hit me for you if I say anything vaguely offensive lol..hit me HARD *-*)
AND it makes you a challenge! Like a rubix cube >_>. I just say this because I've been combating this "infamous reputation" I supposedly have at my local haunts e___e;;. Everyone wants to know me for some horrifying reason and its because I supposedly have this "cool thing" going on. if only they all knew I was just a mental patient (and I luuuuuuurrrve my pills! =B) who likes video games and other geeky things. I'm a hermit too <_<...accept when I go outside but Im working on that..." Jaaaaa That is all. =)
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Date: 2003-03-28 11:37 am (UTC)*duck*
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Date: 2003-03-28 12:16 pm (UTC)First of all, I really think that there isn't a mystical set of words that your friends can use to describe you to make a girl fall for you if she isn't going to fall for you already. On the other hand, there aren't a set of words that will make a girl NOT fall for you if she's already interested (with the obvious exceptions like "murderer" "psycho" etc etc ...)
If anything, when someone is interested in another person, and they ask about that person, I think it's safe to say that all they want to hear is *positive* stuff. Or perhaps they just don't want to hear *bad* stuff. See what I'm saying? If you like someone, you like someone. If you're intrigued, you're intrigued. You'll pursue who you're going to pursue, and if someone describes that person as "nice" it just puts another positive point in their favor. But it's not the ONLY point that person is going to have.
Tell me, when you're interested in someone do you only look for one quality? I bet you don't. Yes, you called out "cute" girls in your earlier plea, but I'm sure there are a whole bunch of other adjectives that are important to you as well.
I think that when we begin to collect bits of information about a person we're interested in, it all goes into one big pot. And goodness, "nice" isn't the kiss of death you think it is. I promise. "He's abusive" would be a kiss of death. "He has the worst hygiene ever" would be another.
Love and fate are all funny and frustrating things. At time I've boggled myself to think "Right now, there's a guy out there that I'm going to click with *so* well ... We just haven't crossed paths yet. Right this moment, he's doing something that will turn into one of the first stories he tells me over a pint." It makes me think of the randomness of meeting people, and the vastness of the world and the patience a person needs to have at times. Right now, *you* are doing things that will turn into one of the stories you share with someone ... :)
Hope you feel better soon though. Dear god, at this point you have 25 replies on your friends list. That'd cheer me up any day!
So far as kiss of death goes;
Date: 2003-03-31 02:43 pm (UTC)Re: So far as kiss of death goes;
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Date: 2003-03-28 01:02 pm (UTC)I've been telling people you're "dangerously intelligent and well informed, and also really sexy"
They usually give me a funny look with that last comment..
hmmm if this public service announcement works, can I plagiarize?
:)
Date: 2003-03-28 05:58 pm (UTC)The next word would be 'huggable'
Hows that?
no subject
Date: 2003-03-28 06:23 pm (UTC)Try this:
Date: 2003-03-28 06:44 pm (UTC)If you value potential friendship more than potential girlfriendship (if that's a word), then you're making things extremely difficult - because to move from friendship to anything more, you're *always* taking a risk, and that risk might *always* destroy the friendship. Always.
In practice, it doesn't usually. If everything goes to hell, you might not talk to them for a few weeks or years. But it usually ends up okay in the end - it's a risk, I think, worth taking, when you consider the rewards.
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Date: 2003-03-28 07:32 pm (UTC)Yeah, so I am looking forward to my next opportunity to get one of your world famous in new Zealand hugs. See you soon sweetie.
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Date: 2003-03-28 07:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-03-29 12:55 am (UTC)(no subject)
From:brother
Date: 2003-03-28 11:56 pm (UTC)As a fellow 'nice guy' I know exactly what you're going through. I've had lots of women friends over the past several years, and I have to admit, I find it both a blessing and a curse to be regarded as the safe guy that it's cool to hang out with. In my (albeit limited) experience, for the likes of you and I, finding yourself in a relationship with a girl is in the same class of extreme possibility as getting run down by a bus while crossing the street -- it's just going to hit you one day when you're least expecting it.
On the other hand, one thing I can say confidently is that I'll never be in the kind of relationship that sucks you dry emotionally. Granted, I have my ups and downs, but I feel confident enough in myself that I don't *have* to be in a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship; I want to do this right, and I'm willing to walk through the fire to get there. In a way I look at it as a challenge, and I have a defiant pride that I feel I'm walking the road less traveled. Fuck the rest of the world. Let them have their one night stands, their empty promises and empty hearts. I'm going my own way on this journey, and I think it will mean that much more to me when I finally get there.
And for those times when I observe those who have the real thing, for when the longing sets in and I feel like there's nothing left inside me ... well, I have lots of wonderful friends that help me take my mind off things whether they know it or not. Take comfort in what you have, and try not to dwell on what you don't have too much or for too long. Finding someway to forget myself is the key, and focusing on others one way or another is the way I do it. I like helping people, and part of what makes me such a nice guy is that I try to go out of my way to make others feel better. It's not even something I think about anymore -- it's automatic with me. And frankly, for better or for worse, I can't imagine being any other way. It's just the way I am, and I think that has to be good for *something* someday.
Until then I figure the tricky part is just making sure I get waylaid by a relationship and don't end up flat on my back with tire marks running across me first. :)
::raises glass::
To better days my friend...
-- Tim
Re: brother
Date: 2003-03-29 05:26 am (UTC)*clink* I'll drink to that, sir.
Re: brother
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Date: 2003-03-29 01:09 am (UTC)Like I said on IRC, these things are not fair. You do deserve a girl, and hopefully sooner rather than later that will happen. You're a fantastic, caring guy Morbid. I honestly can't see why any girl wouldn't want to be 'more than friends' with you. *shrug*
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Quit yer whinin'
Date: 2003-03-30 04:16 am (UTC)But I digress. At least if love (or at least a cute chick that wants to sleep with you) finds you, you can do something about it. Some people don't have the luxury of allowing romantic relationships into their lives, so I hope you realise that you're damn lucky that you're young and attractive and have good qualities that enable you to sustain a relationship. You'll get one eventually, trust me. Leave the angsting to those of us who like our eyeliner to look like we cried in it.
Oh, and if anyone asks me, I'll tell them you're almost, but not quite, entirely unlike a porcupine.
Love doesn't move in mysterious ways, the psyche does!
Date: 2003-03-30 09:45 am (UTC)You know I know this personally..
You see, in a way, you spend so long dreaming up the perfect person, that without knowing it you end up very picky, looking for particular things you find attractive..
When people give up they loose this, they stop looking for the perfect person for them and start getting on with life...
It's at this point when freedom comes..
This is why love always seems so unexpected..
Because you stopped looking for what you wanted and found what *IS*.
I promise there is nothing wrong with you or your personality.. infact I myself remember telling you that I liked you...
And pardon me for saying so.. but I have very good taste in men..
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Date: 2003-03-30 10:47 pm (UTC)nice is not always a bad thing but i know whay you dislike being called nice. so i would describe you as being your wonderful self. all of your friends would agree that you are wonderful!
*hugs*
Keenie
no subject
Date: 2003-04-07 05:23 pm (UTC)The major "flaw" you have is being completely uninterested in me as anything other than a friend. :-) Damm.